mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
