My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
