I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
