mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
