He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
