never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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