Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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