i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
