RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
