how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
