is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
