I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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