I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
