i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
