I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
