Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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