I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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