I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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