Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
