I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
