the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
