the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I smell stomach acid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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