Swine flu. Run for my life!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
