Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
