maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
