My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize