Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
