ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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