I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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