Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
