I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
