no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
