i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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