whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
