before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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