just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
