Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
