I heard we made out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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