He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
