There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
