ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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