Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this just has baby written all over it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
