you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
