Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
