haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
