Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
