yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
