we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
