So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
