I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
