i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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