I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
