im holly from the hills drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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