Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Welp...herpes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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