I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Text me some of your sweat
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