She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
