I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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