I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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