I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
