I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
