My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk is not a location!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
