shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize