Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
