Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize