did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
