I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
