using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
