sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
