I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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