I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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