I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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